dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
