Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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