My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
