I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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