Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
