A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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