I'm so fucking centered right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
