ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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