Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so let's talk penis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
