Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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