i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
