my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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