this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
