Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
