Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
