Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
