in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
