Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
