I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
