An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love you.
Bad choice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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