I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
