i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
