i was born a porn star she said
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
