I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
