I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
