Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
