Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its not stalking. its research.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
