Got a toothbrush?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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