Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
