Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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