someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
