I accidentally had phone sex last night
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
