sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
