we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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