Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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