somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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