You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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