so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
