thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
