I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
