Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
