I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
whose parrot is this?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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