You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
