I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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