What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just had sex on a roof
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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