my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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