I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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