I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
