I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
