Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
