you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
