i think my tv is drunk
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
