Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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