He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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