my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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