11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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