well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
