I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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