After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
