You really coming over, don't trick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery