awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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