She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
