we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
