Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator

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  (586): But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn? (586): Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator http://tfl.nu/x5ch
  Replies (2) Good night (1300) Bad night (616)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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  (503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql
  Replies (17) Good night (4763) Bad night (731)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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  (732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02
  Replies (4) Good night (2951) Bad night (812)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family

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  (410): She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family http://tfl.nu/p7y1
  Replies (6) Good night (1107) Bad night (3562)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude. im stealing that.

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  (443): i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS! (410): dude. im stealing that. http://tfl.nu/qlpb
  Replies (12) Good night (3604) Bad night (996)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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  (719): If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila. http://tfl.nu/6g2r
  Replies (25) Good night (2137) Bad night (1292)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.

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  (314): I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise. http://tfl.nu/47tp
  Replies (13) Good night (2083) Bad night (506)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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  (630): There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win. http://tfl.nu/fnn3
  Replies (8) Good night (1896) Bad night (597)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.

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  (907): Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7bx7
  Replies (2) Good night (892) Bad night (502)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."

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  (252): I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE." http://tfl.nu/xtai
  Replies (2) Good night (1616) Bad night (414)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.

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  (989): I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed. http://tfl.nu/yar6
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (407)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.

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  (705): I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught. http://tfl.nu/csvp
  Replies (3) Good night (918) Bad night (383)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯

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  (936): We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯ http://tfl.nu/ljn4
  Replies (4) Good night (486) Bad night (331)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.

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  (423): Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed. http://tfl.nu/j4hb
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (446)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on

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  (225): I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on http://tfl.nu/vdcw
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (556)

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