I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful