just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful