I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.