Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.