she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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