HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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