I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When are your genitals available?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
