Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
