My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
